Double Standards

When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch. – Bette Davis

We will find double standards in almost every sector of life, but in my humble opinion, the worst most painful one is between men and women. In this blog I want to share 2 incidents which recently happened.

1. Incident

The other day I finished my training late and there was a sudden downpour; felt like the clouds were mad at someone for holding them back for so long. It was inevitable that I hail a cab, quite relieved to be greeted by a friendly smile. Travelling alone, I make it a point not to divulge my exact address, asking to be dropped off at the city center works fine.

“Oh, I know this place… it’s a really nice area” he said. I could just manage a smile, not wanting to engage in conversation after an intense workout. He had to go on though… persisted with regular questions like; “Where are you from? Where are your parents?  Are you living alone?  Etc.  As usual I answered all the questions and felt bad for not actively participating in the conversation. So I asked him the same questions and he told me where  he is from and that his wife and kids were living there and he regularly visits them. My first thought was, a dedicated husband and father, working far away from home to provide for his family. This thought didn’t last long, because out of the blue he asked me:

“Do you want to drink coffee?”(By the way it was 10:30 pm)
Me: “No, Thanks. I am fine.”
You know, I am looking for a girlfriend. It is DIFFICULT because my wife is not here”
Me: “Oh, that’s so sad. Does your wife have a boyfriend in Iraq? I guess it’s also very difficult for her too, am I right?”
“Oh no, she is not supposed to do that. She SHOULD take care of my parents and children.”

2. Incident

A very good friend of mine Joe and his friends organize “guys’ night” every then and now. Basically they rent a business apartment for the weekend and do guy’s stuff. So you might thing what’s wrong in that. Everyone needs a break from everyday life. There’s no  harm in playing poker, video games, getting drunk etc., right? Oh well I agree with you on that. In their case they even go one step further and to spice the evening they pay women to be their “girlfriend”. According to him they treat those ladies with respect  and  they don’t have to do anything which they don’t like.  In a way there is no difference between him, his friends and the taxi driver.  Few of you might ask me: “Common girl, what’s wrong in that? ”. Yes, I tried to convince myself that this is the new reality. I thought if it’s ok with their wives, why should I bother about it. But the fact is none of their wives know about it and most depressing part is that one of his friend’s wife just gave birth to their first child. While she was in pain and struggling with the changes, he was out there having a great time with some random woman.

Few days later during our usual conversation Joe told that the one of his friends saw the wife of another friend in a club dancing with some other guys. This friend now thinks that she is cheating. I had to stop Joe right there and told him that I don’t want to hear about it and asked him: “It is ok if you guys go out  with other women and have “FUN”,  but as soon as women  do the same it’s a crime?”

Apart from the fact  being sexually active with someone else rather than your partner, while you are in a committed relationship, is strictly against my ethics, let’s focus here on the double standards. Why is it ok for men to screw (sorry for my bad language) someone else’s wife, mom, sister or daughter but the women in their house shouldn’t.

My intention is not generalize men and pointing fingers at them. I have only one question: “Why do (not all of you) you do things which you will never allow or wish to happen to your wife/sister/mom?”

 „What goes around, comes certainly back around”

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